Harry Potter : Gangsta Style
by halfbloodprince2009
Summary: Its a remake of the Harry Potter stories except its gangsta style!
1. Chapter 1

**The First Year: Gangsta Style**

Professor Dumbledore walked to the middle of the road and then put up his lighter and sucked all the lights out of the street. He then was making his way to number 4 Privet Drive when he heard a "meow" from beside him.

" Tight of you to join us Professor M.." Dumbledore said as Professor McGonagall transformed from a cat to a human.

" Yo Proffesor do you think it is wise of you to drop off this baby with the so called muggles...I've been watchin them all day and they toe up!" Professor McGonagall said.

" It's the only relatives he's got alive yo!" agrued Dumbledore.

" Well who's a bringin him?"

" Big H."

" WHAT? Are you crazy foo' that's messed up!"

" Stop trippin...I would trust Hagrid with his life..."

Suddenly out of the starless, black night came a loud roaring sound and a motorcyle hit the ground. A large man stepped off of it.

" Big D...Lil' M." He said as he nodded to each of them.

" Ah Hagrid I trust that there were no probs gettin hur?" asked Dumbldore.

" Nah dawg lil homie fell asleep just as we exited the bar...I mean flew over some town" he mumbled the last few words.

" 'Aight well..best drop this kid off..." Dumbldore said as he walked toward house number 4.

" Wait...Any wiz or witch would be straight up happy if we were to give him to them!" protested Professor McGonagall once more.

" He is too famous ... more famous than me...he could become the next chocolate frog card...nope won't have it...he'll ruin my style." Dumbledore said with a stern look which meant to Professor McGonagall that this was the end of the discussion. " But we could wait till he's eleven ...because by then... I'll be the last brand new chocolate card ever made...considering I will be the 1,000th one...yes..eleven.."

From behind him, Dumbledore heard a sniff and turned around to find Hagrid bringing out his hankie.

" Now now playa lighten up...this ain't goodbye."

Dumbledore then turned to look down at the little baby he had just set down on the steps.

" Holla Back...Harry Potter.."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Harry woke up from the pounding above him. His cousin Dudley was running down the stairs.

" WAKE UP CUZ WE GOING TO THE ZOO!"

" Aight Aight don't wet your pants!" Harry mumbled.

Just as Harry walked out of the cupboard under the stairs Dudley came running by(suprisingly running..DUDLEY?) and pushed Harry back into the cupboard.

" _And now I'm in this darkest closet trying to figure out just how I'm gonna get my crazy ass up out this house" _Harry recited from his favorite song "Trapped in the Closet" by R. Kelly...somehow he knew how he felt.

Harry got out of the closet and made his way to the kitchen.

" Make breakfast and try not to burn anythang." Aunt Petunia snarled as he went by.

" Fo sho Master P."

" Bring me my coffee foo'!"

" Aight' Puff Daddy."

Harry handed Uncle Vernon his coffee and then went back to cooking while Aunt Petunia smiled at her darling little son whose birthday happen to be that day.

" How many prez I get this yur pops?"

" 36 countin'em myself.."

" 36 BUT LAST YUR I GOT 37!"

" Well..some of them are bigger this yur.."

" I DON"T CARE HOW BIG THEY ARE FOO'!"

" Don't worry pinkypoo we'll get you some mo on the way home...how does that sound?" Aunt Petunia reassured Dudley.

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Harry followed his uncle,aunt, and cuz to the car, but just as he was about to get in Uncle Vernon pulled him back.

" Aight' playa I ain't won't no funny biz aight'? One funny thing and you wish you neva been born fo sho!"

Harry nodded and got into the car.

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" Make it move pops!"

Uncle Vernon knocked on the glass. " Move hater!"

Dudley knocked even louder. " MOVE!"

" He's asleep so chill homies." Harry remarked.

" He's toe up from the flo up he makes me want to throw up!" Dudley quoted.

Harry sat there watching the snake.

" Just ignore him he don't know nothin...he doesn't know how it feels to lie there day afta day."

Just then the snake winked at him.

" Yo dawg I'm not like that..." Harry stammered as he backed up. The snake just shook his head and gestured him to come forward.

"... Can you hur me?"

The snake nodded its head.

" Well its just I've neva talked to a snake befo..."

" Your from the hoods aren't you? Is it nice there ...do you miss your boyz from the hood?" Harry asked.

The snake motioned its head toward its sign by the glass which read bred in captivity.

" Oh yeah same goes fo me playa.. never knew my parents."

" MUM DAD LOOK ITS MOVING!" Dudley screamed as he pushed Harry to the floor.

Harry looked up and glared at Dudley. Suddenly the glass which Dudley was leaning against disappeared.

The snake slithered out of its home and looked at Harry.

" Thankssssssssss homie."

" Don't mention it playa.." Harry responded.

The snake slithered along and hissed at any kids and parents coming his way. Dudley, who had been watching the whole thing got up to get out of the cage when he felt the glass was back where it had been.

" MUMMY MUMMY!" screamed Dudley while banging on the glass.

" MY DUDDERS!" Aunt Petunia screamed.

Harry laughed at the frightened Dudley but stopped when he found Uncle Vernon glaring down at him.

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Harry being pulled from the ear by Uncle Vernon was pushed into the house after Aunt Petunia and wet, shaky Dudley were.

" Foo' what did you do?" Uncle Vernon demanded.

" I don't know..one minute the glass was thur and then the next it was gone!...IT was just like magic!"

" THERES NO SUCH THING AS MAGIC FOO"!"

With that said Uncle Vernon locked Harry back into the cupboard, and stalked off to the kitchen.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

The next morning before breakfast Harry went to go retrieve the mail from the front door.

"Bill_, bill, bill...that fat larded foo aka sista of biggins..." _Harry sorted through the mail and found a letter addressed to him. "This_ letter if for me...wow this is the shiznit."_

_Mr. Harry Potter_

_The Cupboard Under the Stairs_

_Little Whinging, LN 75864_

Harry walked back into the kitchen still staring at this mysterious letter. He handed the other letters to Uncle Vernon and walked over to his seat at the table. Dudley who's piggy little eyes were following Harry watched as Harry was about to open his letter when he jumped up and snatched the letter out of his hands.

"HEY! That's mine hater!"

"For you foo'? Who would write to your sorry cracker ass?" Uncle Vernon responded. He turned the letter over and stared at the back and then turned it over again looking up at his wife with terrified eyes.

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For the rest of the week Harry continued to have letters arriving. Uncle Vernon continued to either rip them up or burn them in the fireplace. At last it was Sunday.

"Ah off the chain day...Sunday...do you know why Dudley?" Uncle Vernon asked.

Dudley shrugged his shoulders and Harry answered.

"Because there's no mail on Sunday I'm sho'."

"Fo sho' Harry Fo sho'. No mail today that's fo sh-" Uncle Vernon was cut off my a letter flying in from the fireplace.

"What tha?" questioned Uncle Vernon.

Letters had just started flying from the chimney and through the mail slot in which Uncle Vernon had nailed a piece of wood to the slot closing it shut. Letters came through from every direction possible flying and hitting Uncle Vernon in the face or frightening Dudley.

Harry, who had been enjoying all of this, jumped up and down trying to catch a letter. Finally he snatched one out of the air and was taking off towards his cupboard.

"OH NO YOU DON'T FOOL! STOP!" Uncle Vernon yelled running after Harry.

Harry was just inches from his cupboard. Uncle Vernon grabbed him. Harry who was still getting showered by the letters yelled.

"STOP IT! THEY'RE MY LETTERS HOMES! "

"THAT'S IT! WE'RE GOING AWAY! "Uncle Vernon bellowed above the rain of letters and Harry screaming." FAR AWAY! WHERE NO PIMP CAN FIND US!"

" Daddy's trippin mad isn't he?" Dudley asked.


	4. Chapter 4

Uncle Vernon moved his family and Harry to an island where no pimp could find them. Harry drew a cake on the ground, spittiing a beatbox while singing Happy Birthday to himself.

"Well, it's another year, dawg... Happy Burfday."

BOOM!!

"What the f-" Harry stammered as he quickly hid beside the fireplace and Dudley ran up against the wall. The door fell down with a 'band', and a large figure came bursting through.

"My bad, dawg. I'll have my people fix that," the stranger said.

Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia had come running down the stairs, Vernon with a rifle. "Get out of my house, homes!" Uncle Vernon declared. The big man walked over to Uncle Vernon and bent his rifle upward.

"Shut your mouth, fool." He walked towards Dudley. "My, my, Harry, you're a bit on the heavy side, dawg. What up with dat??"

"Yo, m-man. I-I'm not H-H-Harry."

"Fo sho, man, fo sho."

Harry stepped out of his hiding place. "Harry be my name."

"Course you is," replied the stranger. "Here you are, dawg, jacked it myself, words and all."

Harry looked at the cake, it read 'Happy Burfday, Richard.'

"Thanks, dawg."

"Eh, don't get mushy on me, gansta."

Harry looked at the man. "Who you be?"

"I be Hagrid, the crib keeper at Hogwarts School of Pimps and Hoes, but playa, you know what I'm saying."

"Actually, man, I don't."

Hagrid looked at the Dursleys, then back at Harry. "Don't you know were yo mama and pops learned it all?"

"What the hell did they learn?"

"You're a pimp, Harry."

"I'm a what?"

"A pimp, and a damn good one, yo."

"But I can't be pimp, fool, I'm just Harry. Just Harry."

"You ever f'ed someone up when you were pissed or scared?" Hagrid pulled out a letter from his pocked and hand it to Harrry. Harry looked at it and realised that it was the same letter that had drowned the house of the Dursleys.

Harry opened the letter and pulled out a piece of parchment.

"Dear Pimp Potter,

You just been officially enrolled into Hogwarts school of Pimps and Hoes."

"He won't go, playa, I won't allow it," Uncle Vernon exclaimed.

"You knew about this, hater, and you didn't tell me?"

"Of course we knew it," Aunt Petunia said. "With that perfect hoe sister of mine. The day she got her letter, my parents were so CRUNK! 'We have a hoe in the family. Ain't that off the chain? What a hoe!' Then she went and got herself knocked up, then exploded and we got stuck with yo sorry ass."

"Exploded? You told me my parents died in a drive-by!"

"A drive-by, kill Missy L and Gangbanger James?"

"He won't be going fool!"

"Oh, I suppose a bunch of playa haters like yourselves are going to stop us."

"Playa-haters?" Harry asked.

"People who hate playas," Hagrid answered. "Listen here Dursleys, this fool has had his name down since he was born, and he gonna be under the finest headmaster that school eva had. Big D."

"I won't pay, you fool, for a drug dealer to teach him how to handle women!"

"Never diss Big D in front of me, yo." Hagrid aimed his pimp hand at Dudley, who had been eating away at Harry's cake, and produced a pig's tail on his bottom. Dudley junped and grabbed his butt, while Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia ran to his side.

Hagrid looked at Harry. "Let's bounce out of this crib dawg." 


End file.
